Let's Talk About Sex . . . And Communication

In my line of work, I hear people complain a great deal about their sex lives. Men, like yourself, come to me and ask how they can improve their performance in the bedroom. And I always ask the same question How is your communication?

Now I'm not asking about whether or not she's calling out your name while you're on top of her. What I mean is how is your communication outside the bedroom! Most of the time, I get blank looks and guys saying that they don't understand what one has to do with the other.

And, you see, that's the real key to the problem. As a woman, I understand how important communication is not just to the health of the relationship in general but also in how easy it is for us to get off in the bedroom. Sure, women can enjoy a quick romp with a stranger just like a guy can, but when we're looking for more than a cheap thrill we need to feel a deeper connection with our partners and that's only created through communication.

You probably won't be surprised by this news but your lover and you don't communicate in the same way. Different things are important to both of you and there's nothing wrong with that, but you've got to know how to get beyond those differences and bridge that communication gap which is so common in relationships.

Let me give you a perfect example. Men don't necessarily see the importance of looking at a person who is talking. In fact, if they're with the guys, too much eye contact just feels a little uncomfortable. Women need that eye contact as a non verbal signal that you are paying attention to what she has to say and that you feel she is important. It's not whether or not you are paying attention to her; it's really about making her feel like she's your number one priority.

When women don't feel important, they don't feel as open and that's bad in the bedroom. To really get to the heights of pleasure, you both need to be open to each other and feel good about your relationship. Otherwise, it's just not going to happen.

Actually, another example of a communication problem is how one partner suggests sex. Guys are pretty forward. If they're in the mood for love, then they just come right out and ask or start making pretty obvious overtures. That's a real turn off for women sometimes, plus women can't flip their arousal switch on nearly as fast as a man can. So while she may be pretty turned on a little later, being asked for sex isn't going to make that happen. Instead, you need to take the initiative and start working up to the sex with some playful touching, a little kissing, and more fondling. When done correctly, Guys, you won't even have to ask the question: she'll be leading YOU into the bedroom instead of vice versa.

Communication is also a sign of closeness to a woman. The more she opens up to you the closer she feels with you. As a result, she expects you to be more forthcoming as your relationship progresses. When that doesn't happen, she's going to doubt your closeness and that's going to put a real damper on your fun in the bedroom. She's going to be a lot less tense, more open-minded, and more eager to experiment and to kick things up a notch in the passion department if she thinks the two of you have a deeper bond. That means just by going outside your comfort zone and sharing some intimate things with her intimate emotionally, not physically you'll be open up the door for better sex in the bedroom.

Furthermore, open and honest communication about friends, work, interests, and feelings can eventually become steamy talk about each other's fantasies and what you both love to feel in the bedroom. These are things we don't just discuss with everyone so you've got to reach a certain level of communication before she begins revealing how she's always wanted to have sex with her science teacher on one of the classroom desks (or maybe that's just me).

The bottom line is that if you want to really get your woman turned on to you in the bedroom you've got to be more aware of her communication needs outside the bedroom. Then you can expect some real fun under the sheets.